and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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