So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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