PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
