Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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