So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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