Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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