If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
