You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
