her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
