I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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