Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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