U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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