He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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