I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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