Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
