Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
