ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
