We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it glows. i had to have it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
