girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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