If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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