Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
