If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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