either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
