i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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