i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
