think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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