would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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