The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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