I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize