fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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