i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
