remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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