In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
