just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
