just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
