Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
