Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
