Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
