Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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