hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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