she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
