I hate your face
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize