This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
