1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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