so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need moral support for this bender
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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