wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
