Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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