Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have fence marks all over my body
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize