also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
