...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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