Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
