Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
