just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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