This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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