Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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