someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.