so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.