New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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